Autumn Equinox - Time for Reflection - DMH Podcast Ep 9
Hello, divine, messy humans, and welcome back to the podcast. If you are new here, thank you so much for honoring us with your time.
Today is the Autumn Equinox here in the Southern hemisphere, and it is a time where we're starting to head towards winter. We are heading into the more contractive stage of the year, where we go within. It's a great time for working out what we need to release and let go of, so that we can prepare our soil, break down what we no longer need, and mulch it all up so that we're ready to plant our seeds in spring.
It's also a time where we're harvesting fruits from those seeds that we've planted in spring.
So we're doing a couple of different things. It is towards the ending of cycles, however, which is for me, a beautiful time to stop and reflect how far we've come.
Autumn is one of the most beautiful times of the year in Australia. We get cool overnight, cool mornings, cool evenings, and beautiful sunny days.
We were also all commenting this morning at the beach at my local cafe about the gorgeous fairy floss skies, it is the perfect time of year for them. We get the beautiful pinks and purples and blues of the sun rising, and often we get these days where the bay is almost like glass. It is just very quietly lapping at the shoreline.
And it feels like a really big time of opportunity, of stillness, and I just love it. It puts me in a beautiful, reflective mood, and allows me the quietness to go within, as I walk.
And today. I was really wanting to get to you all because I wanted to talk to you about the doorway that was just so synchronistically opened for me back in 2015.
It was around this time of year that I made a phone call to my doctor to get a mental health care plan because I thought I was broken. I was an empty shell of a human being. It wasn't really worth me being around. I was just a nuisance to everybody. I didn't think much of myself.
And I rang a psychologist to get an appointment, and the receptionist said to me, "What's going on for you". I gave her a high level idea of what was going on, and she said to me, "who's got your back?".
It was the very first time in all of my healing that anyone had asked me about my relationships. And that moment felt huge.
The receptionist then asked if I'd ever had a kinesiology session because it sounded like I was under a stress and needed something sooner than she could get me in with the psychologist for.
Now for me, I had never heard of kinesiology before. It was an alien word. It sounded woo woo and out there, but I was willing to try anything. I just wanted to feel human again.
And I've often said that session changed my life. Not just because that kinesiologist picked up that I was in emotionally abusive relationships, but also it was a doorway that led me into the life I am living now, and I will forever be grateful for the synchronistic events that led me to make that phone call to that particular psychologist, and to say yes to something that I knew was not going to be acceptable to many of the people in my circles. It was going to be a bit crazy and a bit out there.
And every day I am grateful for whatever it was that led me to say yes.
The door that got opened to me wasn't just to this new modality that was linking my mind, body and spirit. It was helping me understand why I was feeling the way I was feeling. It was helping me to understand what had led me down the path that I had been walking, and how I could change my behaviors, and alter my inner world so that my outer world would start to reflect different scenarios to me. That I could come from a place of response rather than reactivity. It was powerful stuff. It also led me to find energy healers, writers, authors, philosophers, researchers, who were all doing work in this whole other world that I hadn't really even known existed.
When I was in my late teens, I had dabbled with a little bit of astrology and I was interested in horoscopes as my first foot in the door, I was getting a bit curious about the tarot, and I was told that it was the occult, that it was evil, that it was used as dark magic, and that wasn't what good girls did, so I shut that part of me down, that curious bit.
During my early kinesiology days, I actually bought my first tarot deck and I still remember hiding it in my bottom drawer, because I was so afraid of people finding it and thinking that I was going even more crazy, I guess than they already thought I was, after all what kind of woman leaves a rich successful man?
I loved dabbling into it because all of a sudden I was seeing beyond what I'd been told about this stuff. I was having a personal experience that was so full of magic and mystery, and synchronicity.
When I asked the same question I would pull the same card every time, even after shuffling, after deliberately trying not to. These same cards would come up time and time again in answer to the same questions. It was crazy in so many ways, and if it hadn't happened to me, I probably wouldn't have believed it.
But for me, this was this door opening and this whole world that I didn't know existed becoming clear.
Every time I was in class learning how to become a kinesiologist I had this strange feeling. It was a feeling that I wasn't learning anything new, but that I was remembering. And I hadn't been exposed to this world before, so I couldn't work out how I could remember things that I hadn't learned.
Now that I have a little bit of an understanding and belief in past lives, I understand that I was just remembering. I was remembering stuff that my soul knows, I'm remembering stuff that's out there in the collective conscience. And it was a feeling of coming home, of finding purpose, of finding a direction for my life, and that was such a big gift to me.
Even from the very beginning I realized how little I knew, and how much I wanted to know, and that there was so much out there that I didn't know. And it was really the first time in my life I was ever able to actually admit that I didn't know something, and that I was okay with it.
It felt really strange at first to be okay saying, "I don't know."
The beauty of that was overcoming the shame of not knowing things previously, if I hadn't known something I'd have been ridiculed, laughed at, shamed, embarrassed over it.
In this. I could honestly put my hand up and say, I didn't know because it was all new.
Now as I go along, and the more I know the more I realize I don't actually know.
Everybody has their own answers within them, and I think that for me is the beauty of this journey, is not giving people the answers, but allowing them to open up and see what exists within them, see what's in their heart and soul.
See if they can find those things that they are led towards that feel like remembering for them.
Kinesiology led me down a path that has taken me to multiple modalities now, and it has introduced me to some of the most incredible people.
It allowed me to find my love of writing again, hence the book, and to overcome the fear of putting something so much a part of my soul out into the world without fear.
I would've been terrified a number of years ago, not only to publish a book and put it down to the world, but even to write words on a page.
When I was a child, I loved writing stories and often they were pulled out and ridiculed. My little stories were seen as funny, and kooky, and strange, and they were laughed at. It stopped me writing.
Kinesiology and clearing that trauma. Has allowed me to write with more freedom, and to put that book out into the world, which is a part of my soul.
It really feels like coming home to parts of myself, and it's okay for me to have these massive gaps in my knowledge, because I realized I'm never going to understand everything about the universe.
What I am going to do is keep my curiosity and my questioning alive. Be that inquisitive child who wants to know more. Be that person who wants to ask more questions, and be that person who wants to dive deeper into the heart and soul to see how much deeper I can connect to mother earth, to the people around me, and to the collective conscience in general.
The biggest gift I have gained through kinesiology is that reconnection to my divinity.
The ability to be able to love, acknowledge, and honor the messiness within me, that I am never going to be a perfect person. I am always going to be deeply flawed and deeply human. And I can be okay with that. My resourcefulness is not always going to be there in times of stress, and it becomes a practice.
How can I get better?
How can I be a better version of myself?
Not that there's anything wrong with the version that I am now.
One of the things that I used to struggle with was that I was trying to run before I could walk. I wanted to be that next version of myself before I truly embodied and healed the version before.
Now as much as I want to expand, and grow, and become the best version of myself. I am also happy with where I am now. I am also happy with the person I was yesterday and the day before. Because I've always been doing the best I can in any given situation.
Learning to truly accept that has been a journey in itself, but I can honestly say, if you ask yourself the question, "have you always done the best you can?"
A lot of people want to say no to that. But do you know how we know that we've always done the best we can, is because we didn't do differently, we couldn't do differently or we didn't see a different way at the time, which means that within the response that we were at within the part of the brain we were in, we did the best we could.
I truly don't believe anymore that anybody wakes up in the morning going, I'm going to hurt so and so, or I'm going to piss somebody off. They don't come for the most part from maliciousness and nastiness.
It may be something that happens, but I don't believe it's premeditated, and even in those moments of people hurting us, they are still doing the best they can.
For me that first initial door that I stepped through of kinesiology has allowed me to develop this grace and this empathy for other people, and for their behaviors, because I was first able to do that for myself.
I know I've hurt my ex-husband. I know I've hurt my children. I know I've hurt my family. I know I've hurt probably almost everybody I've come in contact with, at some point or another.
And I also know that I've been doing the best I can at every step of the way.
Those unresourceful behaviors have become less the more work I've done. The deeper I'm prepared to go the more painless my life is, the more I feel like I'm living in alignment with my heart and my soul, and able to bring that more into the world.
And I guess that's what I want for everybody else as well.
Having known what it's like to be full of anger, and sadness, and grief, and disappointment, and self-hatred, and to now be living a completely different life of love and compassion and awe.
I would love everybody to be able to walk that path, and I would love everybody to have the opportunities that I've had to dive deep with incredible healers, and practitioners around them because I can see the beauty it brings to the world. I can see the connection it brings to the world. I can see the depth of color it brings to the world.
And that is my hope for everybody. Is to be able to find their own version of what I've found.
Because we all have a part to play in this planet, raising its consciousness. In this planet healing the divides. And in us, reducing, and one day, hopefully, eliminating the suffering of everybody on this mortal coil.
We are all here for a three-dimensional experience and my invitation to you is to tap deeper into your heart and soul to see where you want to head to next, to see what beauty you can bring to the world. Can you be that rock in the pond that sends out the ripples of love rather than ripples of division?
As you can see, I've gotten a bit deep, very reflective, but it also feels like that time of the year where this is where I need to be right now.
What do you want to reflect on today? How do you want to spend your Autumn Equinox?
What fruits are you harvesting from the spring, and what are you looking to release and let go of so that you can create a beautiful rich nourishing soil for next year spring planting?
I'm sending you lots and lots of love.
Remember, we are all connected to the divine. We are all perfectly messy, and the more we can embrace an honor all parts of ourselves, the easier our human experience becomes.
Take care.