Supporting Actor or Hollywood Royalty?
Do you stand centre stage in your life? Or do you stand in the wings and allow life to happen around you?
Are you the sun or an outer planet in your universe?
So many of us get caught in the habit of playing small, staying safe and allowing others to shine in the spotlight, whilst we hide in the chorus pretending we know the steps and tune that our life is supposed to move to.
This is often an out of kilter survival mechanism where you become stuck in an adrenal freeze response that has become ‘normal’ in your life.
I had a client today who was stuck in this freeze pattern.
Freeze is an adrenal response where we try to fight and flight at the same time and become like a deer in headlights - frozen, numb and unable to move. When we freeze, we look for ways to numb (drinking, eating, gambling, sex, shopping etc), we disassociate so that we feel nothing, we disconnect and find that we have an inability to respond to the situation at hand. We are often unresponsive and feel heavy in our bodies.
For my client, they were unaware that they’d handed over control of their life, that they were allowing everyone else to take the spotlight and direct them rather than controlling and feeling in control of their own actions.
Whilst we were working, I was reminded of a dream that started me on this journey. I was at the Oscars applauding a gorgeous actor as they stepped up to accept the award for playing the role of their lives….me. But they were playing me in my own life.
I realised that I’d been standing in the wings, unwilling and unable to take centre stage for many reasons, but mostly because I was too scared to be seen. It had felt safer to remain out of the spotlight, stuck in my small, caged in self and hidden away. I was full of the feelings of unworthiness, not enough-ness and unloveability. This dream inspired the action for me to change my life, stop staying small and step up to bigger and better things.
When I shared this story with my client, I asked them “So when are you going to stop being supporting actor in your own life and take centre stage?”. They were shocked and the release was physical.
(When animals who’ve been in the freeze response come back to their regular state, they are often seen to physically shake their bodies to release the stored stress and physical symptoms of adrenal response out of themselves and fully complete the trauma cycle. As humans, we are not taught to finish our stress response. Instead we push down our feelings, pull up our boots and get on with it.)
As my client shook, there was a realisation that they needed to step off the sidelines and into the match.
When do you allow others to take centre stage in your life?
Do you hand over control to everyone else and relinquish your own dreams, desires, needs and wants?
What fears are behind your lack of desire to stand and be counted in your own life?
It’s time for you to move from chorus line, to supporting actor, to Hollywood Royalty! It’s time for you to stand in the spotlight take control of your life and be centre stage.