FFTs, Comparative Suffering and Lockdowns

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Once again we find ourselves thrust in the uncertainty of how long these emergency measures will last in Melbourne and in other parts of Australia.

So how are you doing? No, REALLY, how are you doing?

FFTs is a term Brene Brown uses to describe those times in our lives where we encounter things we've not seen before - eff-ing first times!

Giving it a name can help when we are in, or approaching, new things we've not previously encountered - like, I don't know, maybe a global pandemic?

Although for many of us you may be asking the question, "How is Lockdown 6 an FFT?". For me, it is most definitely an FFT because we've never been in our 6th Lockdown before, and we've never been in a 6th lockdown that keeps getting extended.

For experiences like this, no matter how hard we scan our stored experience and memories, nothing quite stacks up to help us deal with where we are at as a known reference point. Uncertainty, fear and overwhelm often take the lead, and our vulnerability can feel exposed, unsafe and challenged, asking us to protect ourselves against attack with old armoured reactions which may feel comfortably uncomfortable.

I call this perceived "comfort" zone of reaction the known zone as it more accurately reflects the state of where we are at - often times our comfort zone is far less than comfortable. This known zone is a place we know intimately and have operated from regularly, but perhaps not the resourceful, growth-inducing and forward-moving space we'd ideally like to occupy.

Often times this known zone is a place where we access our defence mechanisms, our pain behaviours and our rigid armour - feigning to ourselves and others how "in control" we are; the proverbial duck on water, calm and serene above, paddling furiously below the surface to remain afloat.

When we can show up to the FFT with our awkward, uncertain, curious learner in tact we can often find a place where we can meet the fear, uncertainty and overwhelm with greater connection to our heart, soul and compassion for Self and others.

When FFTs are presented to us in life, we, as adults, will often shy away from discovering something new, worried about the embarrassment of potential failures or mistakes, feeling ashamed that we don't know how to move forward, fear of being out of control or looking incompetent, and many other feelings besides.

With FFTs, sometimes we'll handle them with ease, excitement, grace and a feeling of accomplishment, and other times the wheels fall off, things don't work and nothing goes to plan.

Just looking at Melbourne, right now, (because that's where I am, I can use it as a lived example), look at a few of our FFTs:

1. Lockdowns 1 through 5 and into 6 - each of these have been different, with new difficulties emerging, new challenges, new uncertainties and full of FFTs within the FFT.

2. Online learning

3. Online healing sessions

4. Imposed distance from family and friends

5. Working from home whilst home schooling (or just WFH alone)

6. Cancelled plans, holidays, birthdays and many other special occasions

6. Restrictions on funerals and lack of access to unwell loved ones

And these are just from my first 30 seconds or so of thought. There are many, many more FFTs, some personal to each of us and some society wide.

So, how do we handle FFTs? What tools can we use to navigate these new and uncertain waters we find ourselves in?

1. Call it what it is - This is an FFT. I'm in an FFT...

2. Take time out to assess what you're faced with, ask yourself if you need support and, if yes, from whom? (family, friends, colleagues, healers, other professionals).

3. Give yourself time to rest. Often in FFTs our nervous system and adrenals work over time to keep homeostasis in the body and react to incoming stress triggers. Naps, baths, television marathons, down time and unplugging from social media are all important parts of navigating an FFT.

4. Take time in nature to just BE. Get your feet on the Earth, in water, whatever you can. Let nature heal you, let Mother Earth hold you, breathe in fresh air deeply. Not only does this help us calm, centre and ground our energy, but it also opens us up to presence, connection and to something greater than ourselves. Creativity has the chance to enter our awareness when we take time to be still.

5. Bring in as much self-compassion, grace and acceptance as you can muster. You are always doing the best you can in every circumstance.

6. Tap into your creativity, curiosity and "Beginner's Mind" mindset. The more we can engage in curiosity and stay present, the more we can be ok with where we are at, in this moment, right now.

7. Be mindful of perfectionism creeping in. This is not a time for being "perfect", it is a time to be ok with mistakes, learning, unlearning, re-learning, adjustment and readjustment.

8. STOP with the comparative suffering! Comparative suffering is you saying "Well, it could be worse", "I could be in XYZ situation", or the one I've seen lately "If you've woken up with a roof over your head, in a warm bed, etc, you're better off than most of the world's population".....NO! Stop it. What you are going through in your life is not a competition - we can always find people in "better" and "worse" situations, we can always find people handling life "better" or "worse". Please be kind to yourself and acknowledge your pain. Your pain and suffering is your pain and suffering and it IS important. It needs acknowledgement, kindness, compassion and grace. Continually denying our experience and belittling the toughness of what we are facing is shaming, guilt-induced and completely unhelpful! It invalidates our experience. You can be in pain AND you can acknowledge others are in different types of pain. It isn't an either/or situation, it is a both/and.

9. Tap into whatever Higher Power you believe in and surrender, pray and connect - Remember you are not alone in all this.


You are loved. You are loveable. You are a creature of God / Goddess / Univeral Source / Infinite Intelligence and therefore made perfectly imperfect. You are worthy.